Oh, today I feel full of negative emotions. Frustration is front and center. I am really tired of this feeling today. I love my family, and I do find great joy and fulfillment in serving them. But oh, I do get weary at times. I am tired of enforcing rules. The screaming and fighting is unbearable. I am tired of controlling every situation. I don't know how I am going to get over this feeling this time ( or through it, rather). I shall somehow, though. Somehow, the Lord comes with a balm to ease it; so it passes. I am just trying to make it till that time comes. Sometimes I just want to be whisked away from my troubles. I know I could not be happy if I was, though. I have a tendency to conquer instead of letting go. I suppose I should stop looking in the mirror and start looking around at these precious people around me. The fights continue. Those people don't always act as precious as they are, unfortunately. I know we all are that way, at times. I fear I am the worst one. How can I lead my children if I am so full of sin and so very depleted. I pray, but I am fearful in waiting on God's time for my relief. I know it will come and I am comforted in that. Again I will sink to my knees for the forgiveness I so desperately need, from my children and my God. I think something different for lunch may save the day.
P.S. It's amazing how a small hand with a bunch of wildflowers aimed at you can brighten your day. The Lord has blessed me with wonderful children who care about their mommy, even when she is a bit prickly. He has shown me today that they do respond to what I try to teach them.
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